A Calculator

Calculator Jim had a problem with sums

Particularly concerning the obvious ones

A tad worse for him than for me or for you

Considering that’s what he’s programmed to do

He cannot speak English or use any tools

He hasn’t got thumbs and can barely spell 58008

“A Masters in Science, that’s what I need”

To satisfy my intellectual greed.

Sellotape, Paper and Pencil chipped in

To send Calculator off to begin

Where everything started oh so long ago

Soon I’ll have software release 2.0

“Doctor!” Jim shouted. "The bugs in my head!"

I’ve tried hot, flat 7up and resting in bed

“I’ve replaced that old software you’ve since your youth

And had Lithium Battery installed to boot”

Back in the office Jim found himself work

Counting and crunching for all he was worth

Inverting and solving with Sin, Cos and Tan

As Professors dependable, Jim was the man

At times the Professor couldn’t calculate right

He’d scream at his students provoking a fight

A boy took offense to his rude agitation

Resulting in Professors defenestration

Jim fell and skidded and amid all the fuss

he met his demise ‘neath the wheel of a bus.

Bry